Radio Diatribe

Will I find it to be really lame next week? We will see.

Remember The New Republic? The (formerly) left-of-centre, Washington, D.C.-based magazine that used to be the most relevant forum for American liberal ideas in early to mid-90’s until it got totally fucked over by that motherfucker Stephen Glass in 1998? The magazine whose hiring Bareback Andy as its editor (pre-Stephen Glass debacle, of course) shot him to his current level of fame? The magazine whose current irrational support of any action that would end up fucking over Muslims in the Middle East (read “Zionist agenda”) that continues to rapidly erode the little relevance it has left after pretty much everyone stopped reading it in 1998?

Well, The New Republic is about to become even less relevant (as if that was even possible) thanks to its new owner: CanWest Global Communications Corporation. Can-fucking-West. If you didn’t know already, the Asper family, which controls CanWest, are fucking bat-shit crazy conservative Zionists. And, they like to use their media holdings to present their insane perception of the world as “reality.” Just watch Global National on the day something happens in Israel if you are not convinced.

Obviously, it is in the Aspers’ personal interests to prop up a dying Zionist rag, especially the one based out of Washington, D.C. But, this exercise in throwing shovels of cash into a bottomless well, an arrangement strikingly resemblant to the one between the Moonies and The Washington Times/UPI, is definitely not in the interest of the parties who actually own CanWest, which are not the Aspers¹. And, guess what? If you’re Canadian, every time you watch Family Guy (which is syndicated on GlobalTV), The New Republic is going to get a penny.

1. The Asper family has a majority of votes in CanWest Global despite having a minority stake in the company thanks to the company’s multi-class share system. Most of the shares owned by the Aspers belong to the class that grants multiple votes to each share while shares issued to non-Aspers have one vote each or none at all. To be fair, it’s not just CanWest that has this multi-class system. Rogers, Shaw, CHUM (before it was acquired by CTVglobemedia), and The New York Times Co. have (or, in case of CHUM, had) multi-class system, granting founding families with minority interests in the companies the majority of votes. It should however be noted that the families that control Rogers, Shaw, and NYT are not insane.

Jimmy Fallon Said to Be in NBC’s Late-Night Plans [NYT]

The worst news ever.

Earlier today, as I was about half way through my daily compulsive tech industry web site visits (a daily frenzy driven by subclinical O.C.D.), I was hit in the face with an anorexic soccer mom exploding into an epileptic seizure kaleidoscope, courtesy of Intel.

I am left to guess it to be either an insipid rip-off of Michel Gondry’s masterpiece “Let Forever Be” or some sort of a video tribute to Satan.

Sadly, this is not the worst part of the campaign. The newly-designed product page for Intel Core 2 Duo sports a puzzle where visitors are asked to figure out which retarded mime represents which Intel product or “product” (I am talking about you Intel Viiv).

Someone’s going to hell for this.

The housing mapper has been refreshed.

Features include:

• NEW - Google Maps instead of the slow, Flash-based Yahoo! Maps
• NEW - Faster housing retrieval, hopefully.
• Uses the current (almost; if someone made the same query less than four hours before, you will get the cached version) listing, not a cached version from a long, long time ago.
• Less self-promotion-laden than the version by that another guy, not that there’s anything wrong with self-promotion.

That annoying new Pepsi commercial (8.2MB QuickTime) starring the eternal fucktard Jimmy Fallon and Parker Posey (who, by the way, looks like a slightly less mutant Julia Roberts) is a rip of a Spike Jonze short from a few years ago. The spot was created by Traktor, the Swedish collective that produced some real gems of advertising such as Diesel’s “5 A.M. Mono Village” (3.2MB QuickTime) and IKEA’s “The Swedish Midsummer” (18.9MB QuickTime), which makes this travesty as disheartening as it is retarded. More outrage at The Modern Age.

Let’s say Sufjan Stevens is indeed gay. Well then, what kind of gay would he be? I mean, does he look like a fem submissive or a straight-acting macho-gay, a bear or a twink, and most importantly, a top or a bottom?

The homoerotic subtext in his songs are mostly too confusing; Sufjan sings he’s really just like “John Wayne Gacy, Jr.,” which I guess means that he’s a top (I am assuming homosexual child molester-murderers are tops), but he tends to portray himself as a passive in a lot of his songs; for example, he sings “I’d give my body to be back again” in the song “To Be Alone With You.”

Sufjan Stevens - a bear or a twink?

I think this is one thing that will remain a mystery even after, I mean if, Sufjan gets outed. I mean, aside from Anderson Cooper, who everyone now knows is a power-bottom, how many openly gay celebrities’ top/bottom/versatile status do you know? A more pertinent question is this: how do I know all these gay stuffs; top, bottom, bear, twink? Could I have caught the gay from reading too much Gawker?

Corrections - January 30, 2006: I have been informed by an acquaintance of mine that Sufjan would be an otter, not bear, as he lacks one of the prerequisites of the beardom: rounds of rolling fat around the belly. I sincerely regret this error.

Facebook has to be most entertaining web site ever. All those ‘tards we see every time we pass through the RCH-Physics-Porter triangle have their profiles on it, explaining in hilarious details what makes their retardation unique.

As much as I find the fact that I go to the same school as these retards frightening, I do find comfort in knowing that most of these ‘tard won’t make it past 2A.

According to Measure Map, the following are the people or things on whose name the visitors of this blog performed “<insert name here> gay” seaches so far:

• Sufjan Stevens

I am vigorously investigating Sufjan Stevens’ alleged gayness by listening to all five of his albums and ordering his t-shirts, both types (1)(2).

• Michael Ian Black

Most likely not gay as he has a wife and two children.

• Chuck Palahniuk

Definitely gay, gay, gay.

• Isaac Brock

Has been accused of raping a girl, so not gay?

• Michael Showalter

Was recently dumped by Michelle Williams, so probably not gay. Gawker Stalker, the most accurate source of New York celebrity sightings, reports that he “[l]ooked super skinny and sad” slightly before or on December 2nd. Hmm, he had a bit of belly going on in Stella TV series, which stopped airing only last August, and he is now super skinny. **cough**cocaine**cough**

• NNDB

Still the most comprehensive gay or not database.

So why do people care if Sufjan Stevens is gay? I thought about this for a while and realized that this is a really stupid question; when people wonder if someone’s gay, it’s always because that someone is:

1. famous,
2. a personal acquintance,
3. a musician, or
4. pretty.

Sufjan qualifies for criteria 1 (although barely), 3, and 4; so naturally, there has to be people out there wondering if he’s gay or not.