Radio Diatribe

Mr. and Mrs. Joker Face on Cogeco.ca

Mr. and Mrs. Joker Face on LITE-ON’s coporate web site

Mr. and Mrs. Joker Face on Zip.ca

One fake stock image couple, three different web sites. What is the allure of this couple? Is it the freaky joker face the fake husband has, is it the weird uncomfortableness that permeates the room in these pictures, or is it the white couch? (note: a woman who owns a white couch is most probably a neat freak - read an insufferable, passive-aggressive, psycho bitch with multiple DSM-IV Axis II disorders)

I want to be a Colombian drug lord. Not just any drug lord, but a Colombian one (with a proper Colombian passport and everything). I guess my next immediate priority is finding me a Colombian wife.

Self-medication: well, I am up for it since it kinda sounds like their version of future health is going to make it easier to get me some of that sweet, sweet black market benzos.

In addition to having their single and video pre-loaded on Zune, Cansei de Ser Sexy is featured on the front page of Zune’s web site.

Hot Chip’s video for “Over & Over” comes pre-loaded with Zune. It is also prominently featured on the official press photo of the brown Zune.

Thanks to Microsoft’s let’s-attach-it-to-cool-bands-and-hope-some-of-their-coolness-will-wear-off line of wishful thinking, come November 14, the works of Cansei de Ser Sexy and Hot Chip (among those of others - the full damage list is here) will be unleashed upon the filthy, unwashed masses known as “the mainstream.”

These uncultured simpletons will most likely fall in love with the bands. Not only is their music excellent, some of the members of the two bands (Lovefoxx and the drummer in CSS; the three non-original members in Hot Chip) are very good looking. It is a matter of time before one wouldn’t be able to mention either of the two bands without being showered with gloating but annoyingly uninformed opinions about them.

As much as I hope CSS and Hot Chip be rewarded for their talents (I really wish Lovefoxx become ultra-famous and start touring the world with a children’s choir and two American homosexuals), I just can’t bear the concept of clicking their names on Facebook and being bombarded with an endless list of known campus retards.

Did you know Spike Jonze, the guy who used to be Sofia Coppola’s husband, has a little brother? Well, he has one and the man’s name is Squeak E. Clean. Here’s a nice picture of the two brothers.

Left: Adam Spiegel, a.k.a. Spike Jonze; Right: Sam Spiegel, a.k.a. Squeak E. Clean

Now, some questions arise:

• How in the hell is Squeak E. Clean 27 years old? He looks old enough to have two kids in college.
• How in the hell is Spike Jonze 37 years old? He looks like he just graduated from college. Is he drinking from the same super-secret Scientologist fountain of youth Beck supposedly drinks out of?
• Are they really brothers? Could any two people of the same ethnicity (Jewish) look more different?
• Why did Spike and Sofia Coppola get divorced? Was it because of Cameron Diaz? Was Giovanni Ribisi’s character in Lost in Translation based on Spike? Was Anna Faris’ based on Cameron Diaz? What about Scarlett Johansson? Was her character Sofia?
• Is Spike sore that Sofia, Charlie Kaufmann, and Michel Gondry all won an Oscar, and he has yet to?
• Are they really brothers? I mean, Jesus, look at them.